The art of a good inner life and sound mental health is being able to adapt to circumstances and the changing course of things. Sometimes, in spite of all the planning, things will not happen the way we want them to, or have envisioned. This leaves us feeling stressed, with all our energy sapped out. Who amongst us have not gone through intense feelings of disappointment, anger, experiencing unfairness etc.

It is exactly to handle these circumstances that we need to consistently work on strengthening our inner beings- to adapt to circumstances and accept reality when the need arises. This is not an overnight effort but requires daily work- to be able to bounce back faster, to be able to take intelligent actions and to not let vitality drain out completely.

A disclaimer here- as far as my understanding and investigation goes, there is no ideal inner state. Even if there is, it will need constant work to remain there! Therefore, trying to achieve that ideal state is a futile attempt. Rather, the endeavor should be to keep elevating the life state on a regular basis. This way, it will not seem so dark or hopeless when problems come our way.

In this article, I have made a humble attempt, based on my studies and experiences, to offer some ideas that will come handy to keep moving and advancing.

1)    Pay attention to attention: Several years ago, I heard this statement in one of Deepak Chopra’s audio books – “You are where your attention is”. This has stayed with me and comes in handy whenever I find myself going into a spin.

Pay attention to where your mind is more often than not- the past, the present or the future. If it’s in the past, feelings of regrets or wanting to relive glories might linger on, both of which are not productive in the longer run. If it’s in the future, anxieties, fears, over-planning etc. might take over. The best place to be is in in the here and now- where we are at that point in time – to increase productivity, focus, concentration. When we operate from this space, we will able to see reality for what it is, rather than projecting it into the future. Mindfulness and meditative practices can be adopted to Be Present.

2)    Thinking habits: Habits keep us in automatism; doing and thinking things without being consciously aware of them. While habits help us bring order and discipline, they can also limit our potential; it might keep us in our comfort zone. I invite you to deeply consider your thinking habits: It’s in the thinking that action takes place. And a new habit formation will require taking action. For example, the habit of always being late, even if by 5 minutes, or just catching the deadline. This might seem like a discipline and planning problem. However, the root of it lies in the thinking that it’s ok to be late, which allows the negotiation to take place. If it’s not ok, then, one will not be late!

Ask yourself- How many of actions / thoughts were based on impulse or were automatic? And then, take it a step deeper- which of these are limiting my actions and behaviors?

3)    Learning to Dare: Sometimes we are stuck in certain kinds of situations, due to repetitive patterns of thoughts and behaviors. For example, a person may have financial issues or relationship issues on a recurring basis. All other aspects of life seem to be going well, except this one! The way to break this cycle of a recurring problem / obstacle, is to break away from the pattern: to think and act in a new way. But of course, this will mean, first accepting that there is a pattern that needs a shift and then taking the risk to break it. The comfort zone will work harder to keep you there, and it is at that point that one needs to dare.

Ask yourself- How desperately do I want to overcome this situation? And be authentic in your response. A high rating will naturally mean that you are now ready to overcome that part of yourself that’s keeping you stuck.

Points 2 and 3 are closely linked. Writing a journal on a daily basis will help uncover some of these questions. (Yes, this is also a habit, but it is meant to trigger. If done mechanically, it will prove to be a futile exercise- exactly the kind of habits we want to become watchful of!)

4)    The Romance of immediate results: In a world and times that celebrates results over the process, this is a big trap you want to watch out for. It’s just like enrolling into a gym and expecting to lose 4-5 kgs within the first month of exercising in years! And that too, without maintaining the right diet! One of the reasons we see a big gap between gym enrolments and the actual users.

With the topic of inner work, it gets even trickier: There is no visible change that one can see. It is only in the actions, thoughts, behaviors, responses to situations that one can start to understand that definitely some shift has taken place. And it is only doing this work every day and in everything we do, that any concrete shifts can be expected. 

Ask yourself- Do I believe that I can become a better version of whom I am today? If the answer is yes, you are ready to start your journey.

Honestly, there are many more points that can be added here. Treat these as starters! The main course will follow, depending on how much you have enjoyed the starters. Cultivate patience above all- as it is that which will help you stay on course. 

As your co-traveler on this journey, I wish you all the best!